Xubuntu: Where are the privacy controls?

Are you wanting to disable whoopsie? If so then you can do it easily in the terminal

Just change the "report_crashes" parameter to false in the /etc/default/whoopsie file.

Then bid farewell to whoopsie with:
sudo service whoopsie stop

I think because whoopsie uploads tons of personal data, there should be a ui for its settings, a UI that a normal human can find and understand.

https://wiki.ubuntu.com/Apport#Report_format

Not "tonnes of personal data" at all. Where did you read that, please? It's dead wrong.

The coredump and the cmdline args

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