Ubuntu not recognizing my chipset

Since you are asking several questions all at once, you will not get a complete answer.

You do not say which edition of Ubuntu you are using.

The installation of nVidia drivers is done via System, Administration, Hardware Drivers.

i386 refers to the type of CPU - the "i" stands for Intel. Pentium is a trademark owned by Intel. Pentium processors are ix86 based.

i945 refers to your motherboard chipset.

As for installing anything, if you are having difficulties, you will have to give more information.

I hope that clarifies at least some of your concerns.

Sorry, I somehow thought I had already stated that. My apologies.

I am presently using 8.10

I know *how* to install the drivers, but the system is refusing to activate them - it recognizes my card and the appropriate driver, but it won't use them even when I tell it to.

Similarly, I looked up the documentation about installing a wireless driver for my PCI card, and it directed me to the synaptics manager and to install ndis- something or other, as a wrapper for the Windows based driver.

Thing is, it isn't there. The file the documentation pointed me to wasn't listed.

When I tried looking into other packets to download, nearly all of them said that they could not be installed on my system (i386).

I hope this clarifies my problems.

You can try using EnvyNG to fully install the resticted nvidia drivers. Follow this link to find out how to do this:
https://help.ubuntu.com/community/NvidiaManual#Installation%20with%20Envy/EnvyNG
One installed, you'll be able to change the resolution at:
System->Administration->NVIDIA X Server Settings.
Hope this helps, let me know.

That might work, except that I have no way of accessing the internet using my wireless card because there isn't an NDIS wrapper available for me to download.
Also, the problem seems to be related to the generic issue I am having with installing any form of software;
"*program* cannot be installed on your computer type (i386)"

Any idea why that may be happening?
If I can fix that issue, I should be able to get everything else in order (hopefully).

You have possibly installed the wrong version of Ubuntu for your system. Did you download and install the 32 bit version of Ubuntu or the 64 bit ? Was it for 386 or amd64?

You will have to use a modem to install and configure ndiswrapper.

The three files you will need are 1. ndisgtk, 2. ndiswrapper-common, 3. ndiswrapper-utils-1.9
These files are available for installation via Synaptic for Ubuntu 8.10.

I installed the 32 bit version, ran a checksum and everything. it all worked perfectly on the install.
it was for 386.

I have a pci wireless card, but the drivers are windows. Ubuntu documentation says the solution is to install the NDIS wrapper, which WASN'T in Synaptic for Ubuntu 8.10, at least, it isn't on my computer.

I downloaded the requisite 3 files you mentioned onto my wife's laptop, transferred them to USB, and copied them into my computer.

but I still seem unable to get Ubuntu to recognize them and install the NDIS wrapper.

So the question still stands: Synaptic doesn't have the NDIS wrapper, and I'm not sure how to get it into Synaptic externally.
I even wrote the files to a CD to try the "Add a CD-ROM" option - still no dice - it isn't recognized as a "Debian Disc."

Maybe you don't have configured the needed repositories.
Go to System->Administration->Software sources, then at the Ubuntu Software tab check the first four checkboxes and then make a click on the Close button.
Then go to Synaptic, click the Search button and look for ndiswrapper.
Then you can see the three packages mentioned.
Hope this helps, let me know.

Putting the three files onto a USB stick does not install them.

Follow Ariel's advice to make the files available in Synaptic and install them from there. To do that, right click on the files and a window will appear where you can specify to "Mark for Installation". After that, click on the green tick at the top of the screen to "Apply" the change.