nvidia driver problems (8800)

I'm not an expert at this either, but try downloading the .run file, and save it to your desktop. Next run Applications/Accessories/Terminal and type:

sh ~/Desktop/NVIDIA*

It should pop up with a text-mode "wizard" interface, just follow the prompts and reboot when finished.

You may wish to try with Gutsy Gibbon (beta, official release in a couple of days, http://cdimage.ubuntu.com/releases/gutsy/rc/). It seems to have as fresh drivers as nvidia can offer: http://packages.ubuntu.com/gutsy/misc/nvidia-glx-new. Manual driver installation can be troublesome, take a look at the guide: https://help.ubuntu.com/community/NvidiaManual.

I tried typing this in the console, but it says I need to be logged in as root to run it, of course I don't know how to log in in regular mode, so I log in recovery mode as root, but then I don't know were the file is.

Type "sudo" before that to gain root privileges. Some more steps may be necessary, please refer the guide for preparing configuration files and disabling conflicting software (unless you didn't use the restricted drivers manager at all).

Well, I did manage to run the program, but then it said that it couldn't find/rebuild my kernel or something.

What I'm guessing is that My kernel is not up-to-date as I haven't updated it, I'm still using the same version I got included on the CD. Problem is I can't update because I am using a wireless card, I tried to get drivers for it but the program wants to download stuff in order to make it work, which is ironic because I want to GET the drivers so that it CAN download stuff, I would hook my computer up with an ether net cable, but I don't have any cables long enough to reach my modem, so until I can get hooked up, I think I'm pretty much screwed.

Zero, I would advise installing Gutsy (beta or full release when it arrives in a couple of days) and using the nvidia-glx-new driver which you can download through adept-manager. I have Gutsy running with that driver on an 8800GTX with no problems, no need to manually install drivers from NVidia (which from all I've seen is a hassle anyway).

If it still doesn't work post the contents of /var/log/Xorg.log.0 here, together with the output of the command lsmod.

You actually need kernel headers, a thing not needed for normal system operation just for compiling, building software (something like that happens when you run that installer). Again guide has detailed instructions on what to do in "obtaining needed software" section, but in short you would paste into a terminal:
sudo apt-get install build-essential linux-headers-`uname -r`

This won't work without internet connection, as some additional packages need to be downloaded. Internet connection would be probably pretty useful for getting wireless to work too, so i would get a cable ;)

Again, your best shot is to try with Gutsy, a good chance that autodetection will work, or that enabling drivers in restricted drivers manager is all that would be needed.

Well... I think with alot of work I might have gotten them to work in 7.04... then I updated to 7.10 and can't get them to work again, do I have to go through the same damn process?

Ok... Finally got the damn video drivers to work 100% and now I have desktop effects!!! weeee wobbly windows!!